I have always hated being made to feel less. I'm not referring to race but in my abilities. Somehow this has been woven into the fabric of what makes Pam. I'm sure if I researched this it would lead me back to some place in time where I was left out of some event I deemed important. What instantly comes to mind is the time my older siblings went to see Star Wars. This was of course in the 70's and we walked everywhere. We all started walking to the movie theater down town and I'm not tall and I was young so I couldn't keep up. They left me. I cried all afternoon. Consequently, I hate Star Wars and have never seen a single movie!
For years in so many arenas I have repeatedly tried to overcompensate for this feeling. I hate not knowing. I'm discovering more and more I am very uncomfortable in this place. It leaves me feeling small inside. It leaves me on the front porch waiting for everyone else to return from the show.
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