More Than a Tour

I went through a tour of historical homes in which the new owners have renovated in order to preserve their architectural heritage. The homes were beautiful and marvelously preserved. The people I found very nostalgic of the Dayton they once knew and maybe the one in which they once before were on the outside looking in.

I recall when I was young my aunts would come down to Arkansas to visit us from Dayton. They came in their big fancy cars and fine clothes. They made Dayton seem like the place to be for blacks (this was before we were African-Americans) and we were always envious of their lives. They, like many other blacks, left the clay hills of Mississippi and migrated to Dayton, Chicago or Detroit.

As I talked to various homeowners, especially the black homeowners, who were Dayton natives, it reminded me of the social groups I have avoided my entire life. Those who are members of the biggest black Baptist church and hold positions and titles, the fair skinned (for obvious reasons), those whose families were charter members at the oldest black Baptist church, and the educated and you better recognize it. Or I love this one, my daddy was so and so. All too familiar and all I have witnessed since I was old enough to remember.

When I finished my tour and made it home I laughed and shook my head in disbelief. We have come so far and still are standing around the corner. I refuse to conform. I never have and if God be my help (something my mother always says) I never will.

There is undoubtedly a sense of pride in our heritage. I love myself and apart of who I am is black. I love God and all that I am is because of Him. But authentic is all I have ever been able to be. I've never been able to pretend to be humble before the white folks and I've never been able to pretend to care about someones "china" which has been passed down from generation to generation. Now a quilt, that's another story. Or even more seriously my name. The first freed slave on my father's side was William Reed. He kept the name of the slave owner who was the kindest to him. He bought the land which we still own in Mississippi in times when that must have been a difficult thing to do.

I won't conform, but I can say I can understand it. I recall the tea parties I would help my grandmother give for the snooty women from her Methodist church. They all were fair skinned and had soft skin that smelled of roses and powder. They all wore broaches and carried handkerchiefs. They were either school teachers or the wives of the black physicians and dentist in town. Even though my grandmother was poor her skin made her acceptable to fit among these women. I remember when we moved on up and moved in a house down the street from some old senile white woman who my mother had once cleaned house. Even though this woman was old, broke and senile (her house now ram shackled by borders) my mother still found it necessary to visit her and inform her she was moving in down the street. She told us how mean the woman was to her and how she had to shine the stairs, etc.., I love my mother--back then you did what you had to do. And I thank God I have never had to clean up behind some bitchy white woman. I've been secretary for a few, but I didn't leave without having demanded their respect. And I received it. When they were getting sued--my prayers they requested. And when budget cuts were to be made they would have fired the entire secretarial staff to keep me. My mother didn't have this pleasure until the last 1980's. And she still didn't tell another old white lady, in who's factory she worked tirelessly, to go to hell--she simply quit. But when the woman was on her death bed she called for my mother to come and pray for her. And she still runs into her from time to time--you know at Wal-Mart and stuff. So, maybe it was a good thing she didn't do so.

I wonder today will there ever be change? I love our President. I followed him around Ohio during his campaign. I stood in the COLD to witness his inauguration. He could care less about these issues. He can see himself beyond his skin and title. But most of all he can see others also.